An Epic Tale of Balloon Animals, Dubstep, and Microstates Unleashed

…pardon the interruption. We are receiving reports from our European affiliates that the revolution has begun. In Paris, the president has declared martial law and ordered people to shelter in place pending further instructions. In London, WWII-era bomb shelters are being opened to accommodate millions of Britons and, in Helsinki, cabinet has emerged from the national sauna to inform citizens that conscription may be a necessary option.

We’re joined now by Sarah Gary-Larry, our Budapest correspondent.

Sarah, can you describe what’s going on?

Sarah
Bedlam, mayhem and debauchery, and those are just the words I learned this morning. Since that time, the world has changed radically.

Here in Hungary, people have turned into the streets in record numbers, but there is fear and trepidation. People aren’t sure if to prepare to fight or to flee. Many Hungarians have been drawn towards enigmatic balloon animal performance artist, Ivan Krowclaw, whose populist movement, “Don’t Be Hangry, Be Hungary”, has encouraged civil disobedience and petty larceny. Bolstered by messages of encouragement that Krowclaw is sending via Tor browser chat rooms, the crowd is marching its way towards Parliament and, it appears, intends to occupy the site. Police are largely staying on the edges of the crowd, not wanting to incite anymore violence than is already anticipated.

Host
Sarah, have you seen anything unusual?

Sarah
Yes, I once saw the Voogan pass out and hit his head on the corner of a coffee table after performing auto asphyxiation on a dare. He called it a “Jerry”.

Host
In the area?

Sarah
No, that was years ago at Jay Roberts’ place..

Host
Right. How about right now in Budapest, Sarah?

Sarah
Oh…yes…nothing too out of the ordinary, despite the extraordinary circumstances. As the crowd nears Parliament, it’s clear that there is some worry amongst some of the protestors that there doesn’t seem to be any cohesive strategy for communicating demands. For example, I’ve just seen a man carrying a placard that said, “Ban the Bomb” and another a few seconds later that said, “Kill for Peace”.

Host
That’s Sarah Gary-Larry in Budapest.